I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize
