all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Randomize
