Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
