too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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