I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
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