Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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