Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
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