If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
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