We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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