I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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