Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Randomize
