I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
We don't watch enough power rangers
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize