just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
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