is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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