I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
