i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
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