I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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