I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I'd cum for enchiladas.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
