mondays should just be called national damage control day
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
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