I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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