Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Quick, to the slutcave!
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
