Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Success! We fucked roommates!
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