capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Randomize
