The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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