Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Randomize
