oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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