Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
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