No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
