Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
