i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
