I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
