did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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