Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
you inspire me to be a worse person
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Randomize
