Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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