I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Sober January is a disaster.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Randomize
