census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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