The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Randomize
