I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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