It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
