I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Randomize