If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
