The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Randomize
