Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
