Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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