i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
