Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
