and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
