I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
