Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
