he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
