hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I am never drinking with the goths again.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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