I should be sponsored by Trojan
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
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