I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I wish I only lived at night.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
So apparently I’m into choking now
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