I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
