Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
