I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Randomize
