There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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