he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
