I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
