he shaved USA in his pubs
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
im holly from the hills drunk
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Randomize