I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
you never un-have a 4some
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
