Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
