i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize