The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Houston, we have a blender
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
She's not a foreskin expert like you
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
