my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I have feelings that need drinking.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
