wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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