i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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