Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Randomize
