I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
i wish my penis had a tongue
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
