I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
