My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
