I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Randomize
