I accidentally burped into my bong.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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