I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
