You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Randomize
