I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Randomize
