you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
