according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Randomize
