I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
True strength comes from lack of pants
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
