Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
