lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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