whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
