Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I need to stop coming to work sober
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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