if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Randomize
