I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
