john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
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