do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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