I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize
