Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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