i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Randomize
