Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
