I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Randomize