If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
