Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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