I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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