And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
