what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
as a side note pls kill me
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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